Chronic doubt and fear of failure: how to gain security

How to gain security - Chronic doubt and fear of failure how to gain security

When an insecure person must make an important decision, he doubts a lot because he thinks that if he does not choose well, the decision can lead to failure. In this situation the person becomes blocked and further loses self-confidence. How to break the circle?

How to gain security - Chronic doubt and fear of failure how to gain security

The insecure person tends to face decisions with a great fear of failure and lives them as if they were betting everything on a card.

In addition, they tend to think about the consequences of their actions in a somewhat extreme and polarized way: success or failure, right or wrong, all or nothing…

With that impression that everything is at stake in each decision, it is not surprising that the person remains immobilized. And when doubt blocks us, self-confidence is lost and it becomes impossible to move forward.

A strategy to combat chronic doubt is to approach decisions with a “scientific” mentality: defining the situation or problem well, assessing the different options –including how we feel about each one of them–, and deciding taking into account that perfection does not exists.

In addition, it must be considered that the results of the election will bring, whatever they may be, very valid information for future decisions, reconsiderations, learning … Where is the failure when doing this?


In spite of everything, sometimes doubt catches us and we have to set limits.

It is important to remember that you cannot gain confidence in yourself without taking risks: you must act. There is no other way to gain confidence than to accept the challenges and put yourself to the test.

If someone does not allow himself to have experiences, how can he prove to himself that he can indeed carry them out?

Taking action allows you to discover that the percentage of successes exceeds that of situations that have not been able to be solved as thought.

Some people try to cope with insecurity by trying to rigidly control everything that happens around them.

Naturally, no matter how hard things are planned, life takes its own course and no one can control the events or actions of other people.

The need for adaptation and change is inherent in living. Being obstinate in controlling everything leads to frustration and can fill the person who wants it with dissatisfaction, resentment and anger.

If events disturb us excessively, it may be time to consider a change in attitude and ask yourself if you can act differently or improve in some way.

Developing a little more flexibility allows you to face difficulties as an incentive and try different responses.

If something doesn’t work, try another way. Being creative means looking for something beyond simple plan A or plan B.


To overcome the tendency to control everything – a product of insecurity – it is useful to assume that we cannot always get away with it, accepting that things are almost never as one expects them to be … but that life is partly nourished by all of it.

When discovering that there is something we cannot change, it is best to accept the situation, learn what needs to be learned, and move on.

It is always good to reflect and spend a little time getting to know yourself. But it should not be forgotten that no one gets anywhere if they do not start to walk, if they are not willing to make mistakes and open their mind to learn – sooner or later – from mistakes.

We must all sharpen our eyes, pay attention and value our own resources and abilities. Each person has their own circumstances, their goals, and their specific tools.

No one can live or enjoy the life of another; we can only do that with our own.


Overcoming the sense of omnipotence or guilt – the fruit of insecurity – is essential to enjoy what you have. To do this, you can try some tactics:

  • Observe how everything in nature is finite : day, night, seasons, storms, life …
  • Learn to look at what you have rather than what is missing, but without losing sight of your objectives.
  • Do the exercise of wondering who or what we are beyond the profession, the roles that we can exercise at the family or social level or our material assets.
  • Listen to someone who has had significant losses – human or material. His experience helps to relativize the value of things. How did you manage to overcome these adverse circumstances? What helped you keep going and not get discouraged?
  • Make a list of your own abilities and another of your limitations. Knowing the potential for self-improvement is not at odds with having a realistic vision of oneself: no one should underestimate themselves, but neither should they be carried away by a feeling of greatness.
  • Learn to make realistic decisions and be aware that each choice involves a resignation. No one can have it all, be accepted by everyone, or loved exactly as they would like.
  • Before any decision, take into account what you feel and ask yourself if that option can increase happiness or not.
  • Accept error as something as inevitable as it is valuable; without error there is no learning.
  • Do not compare yourself with others, because doing so leads to feeling a “loser” sooner or later.

Who wants to like everyone, cannot like himself or herself. But accepting yourself as you are does not exclude the effort to improve yourself.


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